Secrets
by GwendolynTalbot
Summary: This is a short story about the reality of that moment in the season 16 finale - let's face it El wouldn't have left Olivia like that in the first place, and Olivia wouldn't have just let him walk away. So it *didn't* happen in my head. Why then does she pretend it *did* happen that way?


**This is a quick one shot - I am so sorry for the delay in updating both Disarm and Hold, I will be working on both this week and won't leave you waiting much longer.** **This plot bunny attacked me at 2am so it had to come out. Fluff and lovemaking really.**

 **Apologies for any inaccuracies, I watched most of season 16 once, but probably won't watch again as my heart is in seasons 1-12.**

Olivia sighed and gave Lucy a thankful smile as the last of the squad left her apartment. She should have felt tired, it had been a long day, tensions, reasons to celebrate and reasons to feel saddened. It was all overridden by the joy that Noah was officially her son now, and nothing and no one could come between them now.

 _Olivia was his mother._

The thought filled her with joy, and she smiled at lucy.

"I'm glad you could stay, thanks for joining us."

Lucy picked up her purse and coat and headed for the door, "I'll see you tomorrow, night Olivia."

"Night Lucy, and thanks..for tomorrow especially, we really need some time together."

Olivia closed the door and walked over to Noah's room, carefully opening the door, and peering inside, watching his sleeping form as his chest rose and fell evenly. She glanced at the monitor, ensuring it was switched on, and pulled the door up, leaving it open just a fraction of an inch.

The sound of a key in the lock and the click of her door handle opening, brought an instant smile to her lips. Walking over to the kitchen she picked up the half full bottle of wine sat on the counter and grabbed an extra glass from the shelf. She began to pour, not looking up as her door opened and closed moments later.

"Hey Liv."

The voice warmed her, her smile growing wider as she raised her head to look at him. Her eyes met his in a second and were instantly locked to his gaze, the warmth and affection reaching her instantly.

"You missed the party," she said with a smile as she picked up both glasses and walked over to him, "I wish I hadn't worried so much about it - it would have been the perfect time."

"Next time baby, if you're sure you want me to, then i'll be there," he said as he closed the distance between them, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer.

Olivia laughed at his unexpected move, trying to keep hold of both wine glasses and prevent the wine from spilling and falling on her cream carpet.

"I do want you there, it's just hard, it's been hard for a long time, this pretense…" she paused, hesitating, "I felt bad tonight," she whispered.

He frowned and loosened his grip on her waist, taking the glasses from her hands and placing them on the counter.

Taking hold of both of her hands, he looked into her eyes, his thumbs rubbing small light circles on her hands.

"Liv, what's wrong, why did you feel bad?" he asked, the edge of concern to his voice obvious.

Olivia sighed, "I've been playing this game for years now, _years_. I have avoiding talking about you for so long, because that way I didn't have to look at them and lie...but tonight I said something I didn't need to."

He looked at her, his concern growing, as he released one of her hands, moving his own up to her shoulder, squeezing gently and reassuringly.

"What happened sweetheart?"

Olivia felt herself relaxing at his words, and exhaled as she looked into his eyes, his loving affection warming her.

"Nick's leaving, he told me tonight. He's been a good friend, not that I've exactly been honest with him…."

"Sorry Liv, I've never met him, but I know he's been a friend to you - wish I had met him, he obviously had your back - although I'd prefer if it was me watching your back."

"Elliot...I wish it were too. It's been safe for you to come home for a while now, but I have lied for too long and I just don't know how to tell them that. I looked into his eyes tonight and lied _again_ , I wanted to tell him but I couldn't - I just couldn't tell him that you never really left."

"Liv, I was gone for six months, that was long enough and I couldn't stand it. I took a huge risk leaving Witsec, and If I hadn't, I would be stuck in New Mexico, working in a damn book shop, never seeing my children again...never seeing _you_ again," he sighed.

"I know, and I'm so thankful that you took that risk, however dangerous it was. Which is selfish of me - I know that, because I would rather have you living a life here with me, where the risk was higher."

"I made that decision Liv, it's not on you, I needed to leave Witsec. I'm glad I did...we wouldn't be together otherwise, I wouldn't be here with you and Noah, I couldn't stand to have missed years of your life. I don't regret taking a risk for a second, and I hate that you feel guilty for lying, but it was a small price," he said, as his hand left her shoulder and cupped her cheek, her face instantly leaning in to his touch, "it really was, when we have our whole lives ahead of us."

"I know El," she sighed, "but I feel like i've lived this lie for so long that it's becoming too easy. I don't mention you and they don't ask. That's simple, but what I said to Nick tonight...I wanted him to know that he has been there for me and he _has_ been a good friend, but I brought you into it and I'm not even sure why...maybe I felt that you _should_ be there, in a conversation about where my life has taken me...because damn it El, you have been right here with me every step of the way."

"What did you say to Nick?" Elliot asked, his hand moving back as he slipped his fingers through her soft hair, coming to rest at the nap of her neck.

"I said the opposite...I told him I didn't know what our relationship had been...why did I say that El?"

Elliot moved his hand to her check and leant forward placing a kiss on her lips. She closed her eyes briefly at the contact, the familiar feelings passing between them; passion, intensity, love.

"You said that because you didn't want to tell him that you'd kept a secret from him. Liv, for the first year and a half after I left Witsec I had to be so careful. If it got round at the NYPD that I was back in New York, it wouldn't have taken long for word to get out. We had to keep it quiet to protect both of us."

"I don't regret that El, really. I just wish I hadn't got stuck in the lie now that it's over and you don't have to lay low anymore. The only issue left is my own. Admitting to them all that I have been so dishonest, even when I didn't need to be - like tonight."

"I would have come baby, if you wanted me too," Elliot said warmly, "when you're ready to come clean with them all, just say the word and i'll be there by your side."

Olivia broke into a smile, her heavy heart lifting at his words. He was always at her side, there was never any question about that. She hated perpetuating the lie that he had been anything less than her best friend and now something so much more.

Hearing a noise from Noah's room, she tilted her head to the side and paused, listening. Elliot paused too, both holding their breath as the brief sound of Noah murmuring in his sleep caught their attention. Their eyes met, and Olivia relaxed, stepping forward and pulling him into an embrace. He smiled and wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"Think he's gonna stay down for the night tonight?" Elliot whispered

Olivia laughed, "If we're lucky. Come on El, let's go to bed, _i've missed you_."

Olivia looked into his eyes, his gaze never leaving hers for a second as he slipped an arm around her back lowering her down onto her bed. As her back connected with the soft bed, she relaxed into the mattress, her head resting on the pillow, her hair fanning out around her face as she smiled at him.

"God you're beautiful Liv," he whispered.

"I love you El," she said, her eyes darkening with want, as her hands slipped under his shirt, roaming across his chest, tracing every muscle on his body - every inch of him that she knew so well. His body was like a map that she could read with her eyes closed. She traced the solid muscles of his chest and arms before raising her thigh up between his legs, causing him to groan and ease his body down completely over hers, supporting his weight on his arms.

"I love you Liv," he whispered, as his mouth met her neck, his tongue slipping out slightly against her skin as she arched her head back, elongating her neck as his mouth travelled across her skin, his teeth scraping lightly against her and sending shockwaves throughout her body.

He shifted his body, his weight resting on one arm as his other hand travelled from her shoulder, across her breast and down to the hem of her dress.

She unconsciously parted her legs slightly as his hand roamed under the soft material of her dress and snaked up against the warm skin of her thighs.

"Mmm," she moaned with a slight smile, the feel of his touch something that never ceased to illicit an instant arousal for her.

Elliot smiled as his fingers met the lace of her panties, and he tugged as she raised her hips, making it easier to slip them down.

After removing her panties, he took hold of her shoulders, easing her up as his hands reached around the back of her dress to find the zip, wasting no time in pulling it down, his hand slipping to her bra and snapping open the clasp of her bra almost at the same time.

Olivia laughed, "someone's eager tonight."

"Well I haven't seen you in such a long time Liv, it's hard being a part from you, I've been lying awake.. _thinking_ about you alot."

"It's the longest time we've been apart since you came back from New Mexico - two days was really too long..I was lying awake. _.thinking_ about you too El," she said with a flirtatious smile.

Olivia shimmied her dress down her shoulders as Elliot pulled it down the rest of the way, slipping it quickly over her hips and dropping it onto the floor before his hands moved up to her bra, pulling the straps down to free her breasts from the satin and lace that encased them.

"Jesus Liv, you really are something - have I told you how sexy you are lately...what you do to me?"

Olivia smiled, "Yes you have.. _believe me El_ , you do the same to me, and right now," she said, as she eased herself up, her hands grasping his shirt and pulling it up, "you are overdressed, you need to get these clothes off Stabler."

Elliot pulled his shirt off the rest of the way and groaned as her hands went to his belt buckle, her eyes locking with his as she pulled his belt free, her fingers moving to his zip as she quickly worked at his pants, his roaming hands slipping down to cup her ass.

Within moments his clothes had joined hers on a pile on the ground, and his naked body was pressed firmly against hers, his mouth travelling across her breasts; tasting her, kissing her, loving her.

She gasped and raised her hips up to meet him as his mouth travelled down across her toned stomach, his tongue tracing a path across her, down to her thighs.

Pausing, he placed both hands on the inside of her thighs as she opened herself more fully, her breath quickening in expectation.

His fingers teased her, lightly caressing the sensitive skin of her thighs, his thumbs grazing lightly, almost tortuously close to her aching centre.

"El, don't tease, I haven't seen you for two days straight," she said, the seriousness of her voice causing him to smile.

Using his hands to spread her further, his tongue travelled down, running up and down, lightly flicking against her clit as she gripped the bed sheets into her fists, the feel of his tongue tasting her, a sensation that was just as erotic as the first time, almost three and a half years ago.

Feeling his tongue probing into her, she moaned, his other hand leaving her thigh and sliding down, his thumb moving more firmly now as he rubbed her.

" _You make me so wet El_ ," she breathed.

Elliot groaned at her words, he could never get over what it did to him when she would tell him how he affected her, how he made her wet, made her want him, made her touch herself when they were apart.

He had never wanted anyone as much as he wanted Olivia, and having her naked, spread underneath him as she told him how wet she was for him, was the most erotic thing he had ever heard.

Slipping a finger into her, then two, he moved his hand, sliding in and out as her back arched and her head turned to the side, her cheek pressing against the pillow as the feel of him touching her so intimately sent her so close to the edge.

"Don't hold back Liv," he whispered, as his other hand moved to her clit, rubbing while his fingers pumped in and out of her.

Feeling her body tightening around his fingers he slipped another finger in, driving her over the edge as her body arched, her muscles contracting around his hand as she closed her eyes and gasped.

Elliot waited until her body had relaxed and she exhaled slowly, before slipping his finger out of her and smiling at her.

"I love watching you come," he said, the low, gravelly tone of his voice and underlying want warming her even more.

"Mmmm, but you need taking care of too now El," she said with a seductive smile, "come here."

Elliot groaned as he positioned himself above her, supporting his weight on one arm as his hand cupped her cheek and he leaned down, kissing her, her lips parting as their tongues connected instantly. He moaned into her mouth causing an instant rush of wetness between her legs, he always had the ability, to get her very wet, very quickly, without fail.

Within moments he slowly slid into her, their eyes locked, his hands holding onto hers, either side of her head, their fingers interlaced.

She groaned as he filled her and he paused, waiting for her to show him that she was ready. As soon as her hips moved up to urge him, he began to move, slowly and gently thrusting in and out of her at first, then picking up speed as he saw the unmistakable want in her eyes.

Her legs wrapped around his back, urging him deeper as her hips rose up to meet his thrusts, their eyes remained focused on each other as their pace increased.

"Oh God El, _I need you_ , harder baby, I need…" she gasped as his head dropped down, his mouth finding her neck as his teeth lightly pressed into the sensitive skin of her neck.

Elliot could feel that she was getting close to her second orgasm, so he pulled out, giving an amused smile at her sound of protest, and flipped her over, pulling her up onto her hands and knees. Olivia moaned, her hands taking hold of her headboard, as she parted her legs and raised her ass, giving him better access.

Elliot wasted no time as his hands gripped her ass, tilting her up slightly as he slid into her. Olivia threw her head back, the sensation of him penetrating her from a different angle bringing her even closer to the edge.

He placed one hand on her back, running his palm up and down the thin sheen of perspiration now covering her body, his other hand sliding around and cupping one of her breasts.

Feeling her beginning to tighten around him, he could hold on no longer and thrust harder and faster until he began to reach his peak, his hand leaving her back to cup her other breast, pulling her as close as possible to him as he felt himself near his release, moaning her name as he spilled inside of her.

Olivia came as soon she felt him release inside of her, shuddering and pulsating around him, letting out a cry as she came hard.

Once he felt her relax, Elliot gently lowered her down with him onto the bed, staying inside her as he held her close to him, her back against his chest. Leaning forward slightly, he placed a kiss on her head.

"He's sleeping so much better these days, I for one am grateful for that," Elliot said as he stroked her arm, his touch giving her goosebumps despite their intimate position.

"Oh me too," laughed Olivia, "I just want to lie here with you all night,"

"Hey Liv," he whispered.

"Yeah?"

"We have the apartment to ourselves tomorrow then?" he said, the playful edge to his voice making her smile.

"Yes El, _we do_. I told Lucy we would meet her at the zoo later, but she's with Noah all morning - so no worries about Noah waking up and interrupting anything," she said with a laugh.

Elliot smiled, the light, happy sound of her laugh warming him as his arm slipped around her.

"I'm gonna tell them all on Monday, just want this weekend where I can enjoy our time together as a family without stressing over it first. I love you El, I want this... _us_ , to be out in the open. Even if they do feel hurt that I lied to them, they'll come round in time. I can't keep hiding one third of my family," she said.

Elliot smiled and tightened his arm around her, her eyes closing at the feeling of being held against him.

"You want me to be there Liv?"

"No, I need to do this myself, i'll call you though, let you know how they reacted. If the fallout isn't too bad, you could come by the station house - bring some lunch?"

"I'll come by whether there's fallout or not Liv, _we're a family and I want them to know._ "

"Thanks El, I love you baby," she said softly, her eyes feeling heavy as she suddenly realised how tired she felt.

Elliot reached down, kissing her shoulder as she groaned at the feeling of him slipping out of her, grasping the blanket and pulling it over them both. Slipping his arm back around her, he pulled her back towards him and she snuggled closer.

"Get some sleep Liv, you must be exhausted after today. Today you officially became Noah's mommy, tomorrow we come clean, and can start living as a family. That a good plan?"

Olivia smiled, as she replied sleepily, "Oh that's a perfect plan El."

Elliot listened to her steady breathing as she fell asleep in his arms, and smiled. They really did have everything now, and could finally be happy.

With the woman he loved asleep in his arms he glanced at the baby monitor, the video screen showing the little boy who had began to call him daddy sleeping soundly in the next room.

 _Tomorrow their life together as a family could really begin._

 **Thank you for reading. I will go back to my seasons 1-12 dreamland now :-)**


End file.
